Getting married is every girl’s dream, I am sure I am right in saying most girls of my generation were brought up to value the marriage insttitution. We were socialised to prepare ourselves to be wives and hopefully mothers. I grew up imagining what my wedding day was going be like, this was the only thing I fantasised about i.e my wedding dress, my bridesmaids and everything I wanted my wedding day to like. I did think about the career I wanted to pursue but getting married was for me the ultimate goal. My wedding day took long to come by which I mean I married late making it the happiest day of my life because I so wanted to get married and it finally it happened.
Like most weddings I had one year to prepare for my special day from the day my the boyfriend then proposed and worked hard to make sure the day would be perfect. As a religious person one of the preparations which was significant was the pre wedding counselling sessions with the minister who was going to marry us. We were prepared on how to deal with money matters, communication and many other areas of married life to help us make our marriage work. While all these preparations were good in themselves nothing ever prepared me for a possible break up. I for one never contemplated on that possibility because as far as I was concerned I had married for life.
I had eight wonderful years of marriage, I continued with my career heading the training department in the Methodist church in Zimbabwe . I loved and enjoyed my job and I loved being a wife as my job involved travelling I was away most of the weekends running training programmes throughout the country, this meant coming back home was special as we would spend quality time with each other to compansate the times we were apart. The best thing about our marriage was that we were best friends and enjoyed each other’s company as we made each other laugh a lot.
As far as I was concerned all was going well, my husband was a history teacher at one of the leading private schools, and was a cricket umpire which meant when I was away doing my job he was busy umpiring cricket. We suported each other in our separate lives, and our relationship was solid as far as I was concerned we talked honestly and openly about politics and everything else. However now with hind sight I now realise that we never talked honestly about the intimate side of our relationship which may have been the beginning of our marital problems. I worked hard to enhance myself in my career, and worked hard to being the perfect house wife creating a beautfully well kept home and all that went with it I took everything for granted as far as our relationship was concerned that I never realised that we were slowly drifting apart.
I guess there must have been some disatisfaction as far as my husband was concerned which contributed in him having other relationships outside our marriage, hence my saying with hindsight I now understand what happened. I assumed I was doing the right thing by being a good wife and a good house keeper and put all my energies in working hard to improving my job which I did very well and husband did the same yet in the meantime our own marital relationship was suffering.
This scenerio I believe was the source of our drifting apart, the one mistake that can happen in any marraige is to take each other’s feelings for granted and ignore to work at the relationship. My first piece of advice to women who want to protect their marriages is be attentive and not take anything for granted in a marriage relationship – keep working at it!