Dealing with heartbreak and betrayal

While I had braced myself to face whatever was ahead of me in the situation I found myself, I still had to deal with (a) heartbreak and (b) betrayal In the two weeks that followed my husband ending our marriage and me preparing to go back home, I had plenty sleepless nights trying to figure out what had really gone wrong, asking myself what I could have done to help us stay together. In those two weeks I then realised how much I loved my husband who apparently no longer loved me. What I found most hard was trying to work out how the person who had loved me to a point of marrying me could say they no longer love me. In my book you do not suddenly stop loving someone because loving someone is a very strong emotion which you do not shake off at the spare of the moment. For a moment I kept hoping that once we had a family meeting according to culture things would be normal again.
It was at that meeting that I realised the marriage was over I was so taken aback with the hatred expressed by my husband as he told both our families all things the that I had done wrong and that for those reasons he could not be with me any more. I guess what broke my heart were things I did to hurt him which he kept to himself and never talked to me about. In a marriage the couple are supposed to talk about the things that may be bothering either person. I still struggle about why he never brought these things up with me.

I acknowledged my wrong doings (according to him) and asked for forgiveness and promised to change even that was not going to change what my husband had decided ‘to end the marriage’I actual realised that he was not interested in working things out or even our marriage a second chance. Yet in my understanding marriages have to be worked at if they are to survive as it is about two human beings who were brought up very differently and yet try to be one. For days I lost appetite did not even feel hungry I was in turmoil as I had invested a lot in this relationship I was in a dark place as it was reflected in the colours that I was drawn to. If I was going to buy a dress or something I was drawn to the greys and blacks which was the state of my mind my whole world had curved in.
What broke my heart was when I learnt that my husband was already in a relationship, and was planning to get married to someone else he actually got married a year after we had separated, we had not divorced that was a very big betrayal. I guess what got me was how quickly he could fall for someone else to a point of getting married in such a short time. Was our relationship been all a lie I questioned myself, till to this day I have never contemplated falling in love with someone else because I had loved him so much. It is sad that while I was putting all effort to make the marriage work my husband had other ideas.
If ever there was a lesson I learnt about relationships in my predicament the lesson was: ‘never assume things’ as you are bound to get a lot of surprises which I did in a big way. I never suspected that my husband would be unfaithful as I had no reasons to doubt him at all.


2 thoughts on “Dealing with heartbreak and betrayal

  1. The wrongdoings your husband accused you of are his way of justifying the affair. He is unfaithful and so he needs to find something wrong with you to justify his guilt.
    This is not about what you did or didn’t do, it’s about him. Do not blame yourself. You sound strong and you will survive this.
    He should be ashamed of himself for the way he has betrayed you.
    I wish you better days 🙂

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